Hate
by lye tea
Summary: She can trap the anger and is still full of nothing. /Ichigo x Nel/ /Nnoitra x Nel/


**Hate**

She hates him, she would _kill_ him if she could.

Nel stares straight into Nnoitra's two-bit, too-small eyes and issues a silent challenge. She waits, wondering if he would retaliate. He does.

And Ichigo is knocked unconscious.

Ugliness becomes him, Nel knows that to the bottom of her heart. And knows that he had a cruel, merciless ball of fury equal to her own. But unlike hers, he's never learned to master it. She rushes toward him, taking him by semi-surprise.

His eyes light up, happy only when he is caught in war. In death Nnoitra is almost conceivable. And slash, he brandishes his sword, sweep and _slice_. He catches a lock of her hair.

"It becomes you, filth," he cackles.

She doesn't reply, just smiles cheerily back and takes full swing. The air crackles under strain, knees bending from no support (the bones break and tendons tear). Nel is victorious, as ever. A _hero_, they once called her. But not anymore, now she is a kid is a girl is a newly resurrected undulating _hate. _

And for a moment, it seems that he is shaking too—surprised and a tiny bit afraid.

Nnoitra sees: he will lose.

-

Kill, kill, _kill_, the voice in her head is raging. No, no, _no, _the other one says. The other that cut _her_ up the last time. Not anymore, Nel puts _that_ one to sleep.

-

She opens her eyes, afraid to ask what the hell just happened here?

Ichigo looms over her, his eyes worried and lip thin and white. And she wants to say how lovely he looked bathing in that light, the desert, forgotten wilder light. Here in the chasm between worlds, she can still see beauty.

"I'm okay."

He holds her close (and she feels like kissing him). And poof, she's a little girl again.

And sees over in the distance—a small black dot—Nnoitra getting his head tossed aside.

"Nnoitra." She looks him square in the eye and sees his inner fear reflected.

-

"I'm okay, really, I'm _fine_."

"You've lost a lot of blood," Orihime whispers, not looking up.

Nel laughs, "Arrancar don't _bleed_. We burn. We burn up our enemies, the world, everything."

"You've burnt yourself out then."

Ichigo tosses her a cloth (that Orihime catches) and does not dare face her. His mind is racing, running on unpleasant thoughts and hurting from the anxious towering gap of the future. _She's an Arrancar—an _Espada, he tells himself.

Repeat—

"And rinse, it'll help the swelling."

-

"Rules are rules," he apologizes.

Nel does not look at him, this time she is avoiding _him_. If the situation weren't so bad, so painful, he would laugh. She looks like a pouty child (her inner self, someone remarks).

"I know. I know rules better than you. Aizen had one, but that one determined your life: kill or die. I know it all."

"Then why did you stay?"

"Where the hell was I supposed to go? In case you haven't noticed, Soul Society is not exactly accepting of my kind."

Ichigo turns his head and casts down his eyes. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_.

-

The council will meet later to "decide her fate".

Nel barks out a grunt and a train of scathing loathing. Her eyes are pins and her fingers daggers. She leans over like a cat to strangle him—and misses. She doesn't have the heart.

-

"I'm not something to be owned. I have a mind and tongue, let me speak and decide for myself."

Ichigo doesn't respond. His battle is over and done, he has no right to say anything. Silently, he prays that they'll be kind and lenient (and knows that was a long stretch to impossible).

-

Surprisingly, it is Zaraki who "spares" her.

"This girl ain't worth it."

And Nel spits in his face as thanks but smiles. Zaraki laughs and gives her a hard shove (an affectionate display, she thinks). They have an understanding: two natural-made killers can always find another and make a pact. And this pact seals her life—_free_.

Nel departs from Las Noches and the desert. She's had enough.

-

He runs for miles to see her and notices that she's reverted to her old form again. And then switches back just as abrupt and shocking (in his arms).

"I'm still a bit unstable," she explains, "It'll continue like this for a few more weeks. But my reiatsu is healing. The release took a bigger toll on me than I thought."

Absentminded, he nods (and still cannot bear to meet her eye).

She sits down next to him and goes right up to his face, touches the chin and cheeks and messes up his hair. She smirks. (His heart pounds, thinking that she must be the prettiest girl alive—sort of.)

"Don't sweat it, I'll be fine. I won't make trouble for you guys or the humans. I just want out, you can understand that can't you?"

He nods.

-

But Ichigo soon learns that understanding and doing are two different things. And feels that subconsciously he's searching for her and _knows_ that he never will.

Nel was one of a kind in staying hidden.

He licks his lips, remembering her kiss and the citric-sweet taste it had.


End file.
